We're facebook friends in real life
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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