And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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