Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize