He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
