Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
