my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
