I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i've created a new STD.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
