just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
