My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
