May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
