The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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