I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
