And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
