i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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