and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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