onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
