The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
this is an emotional support booty call
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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