in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
