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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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