Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
