I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
