He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
