When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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