Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
