remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize