Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
