i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize