1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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