Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
