he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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