i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
