Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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