It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
