buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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