What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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