# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
