Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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