Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We don't watch enough power rangers
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
