I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
