I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
