Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
i need some magic done to my vagina
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
