the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
