This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
