thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
