too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
