i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
