I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
