Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Help. Why am I so naked?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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