the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
