I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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