I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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