3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
