Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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