mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
