'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
