woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
