Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize