Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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