fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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