shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
