oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
