Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
is that a dick in a sweater?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
